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May Be a Rapture Redneck...
By Dave MacPherson
(1) If you think that Antichrist is the sister of
(2) If "posttrib" to you is the time after the Chicago Tribune
(3) If you guess that LaHaye is something that's made while LaSun is shining.
(4) If you're sure that Plymouth Brethren would excommunicate anyone driving a
Ford or Chevy.
(5) If you don't believe that Thomas Ice is a substance that can slow down and
freeze a thinking brain.
(6) If you think someone is stuttering if he says "666."
(7) If "partial rapture" is what you say you feel when your denture
(8) If you think Grant Jeffrey doesn't go way back in time.
(9) If you assume that the Early Fathers were folks who were never late to
(10) If you reckon that the apocalypse are part of the dragon's mouth.
(11) If you imagine that Scofield's notes are never flat.
(12) If you think that R-A-P-T-U-R-E is the way to spell "relief."
(13) If you're sure that the King James Translation was when King James was
(14) If you don't believe that Hal Lindsey wanted a rapture view that he could
(15) If you don't know that a "fig"ment of someone's imagination can
(16) If you can't admit that Dallas The-Illogical Seminary was long famous for
(17) If you conclude that "The Rapture Plot" is where the pretrib
rapture will be buried.
(18) If you think that an amill is someone who says "Ah!" whenever
mill discussion is proposed.
(19) If you don't know that Margaret Macdonald's partial rapturism had
her saying: "SOME of the saints know they'll be in heaven when the rapture
happens because they aren't all here!"
(20) But even a rapture redneck knows that just because some don't want to be
left doesn't mean they're right!
Incidentally, Cyrus Redneck has just come up with the very best argument for
pretribulationism. He says that the letters in "rapture" can be found
in "pretribulationism" but not in "posttribulationism,"
"midtribulationism," or "partial rapturism"!
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